“I listen to the painting. I feel what it needs next. Maybe more paint, maybe less. Maybe work more while it’s wet. Maybe let it dry. Scrape away with a palette knife or wipe with a rag, melt it together with a wet brush or maybe wipe it with my sleeve. Scrub a layer away when it’s dry. Tonight I rubbed the latest layer with my fingers, getting involved with mixing the colors in. It’s what called to me, I had to do it. If I had to eat the paint to make it work, I probably would do this too. Sometimes I am tired or the painting just says; “Leave me alone, go rest, trust, come back later”. Some days I just lie down in my studio and sleep next to the paintings. That is my work for that day. The paintings lead me, and I follow. This process of trusting and listening fills my soul.”
P.S. A wise older friend told me several weeks ago; make sure you let them know you and your life isn’t perfect – that you make crappy paintings, mistakes, that you can relate other ‘normal’ people. (What is normal anyways? We all have our passions, talents, dreams. I believe there are just a few of us who are willing to risk all and commit to living them. This is not so easy. It takes spirit, fire, commitment, dedication, unrelenting enthusiasm, focus, working when I don’t feel like it, working through depression and working with life going on all around me.) Tonight for instance after making dinner for my ‘spirited’ 4 year old (spoon feeding it to her because otherwise she refused to eat), giving her a bath, playing some games, reading a Curious George book, letting her have 20 minutes of her Barbie movie, she is currently, as I write this, in bed whining for me to come and cuddle her. I feel for her but the paintings call is strong. So is my dream. As well, I wanted to share with you tonight. So motherhood and the artist life is a challenge I have chosen for this life and I hope to find peace and balance and success in both – however I define those to be – and pass this along to you. Thank you for reading.